


You 'n Me (And Everythin' in Between)

by RenjiFan



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Porn, coming out story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:27:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24884578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenjiFan/pseuds/RenjiFan
Summary: It’s not unexpected when Jensen turns to him on the plane back to Vancouver and whispers, “I don’t wanna wait, Jay,” voice hoarse with lack of sleep and too much coffee, too much talking.
Relationships: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 105





	You 'n Me (And Everythin' in Between)

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to LJ 2009

_ March 2009 _

It’s not unexpected when Jensen turns to him on the plane back to Vancouver and whispers, "I don’t wanna wait, Jay," voice hoarse with lack of sleep and too much coffee, too much talking.

"I can tell," he says back quietly, lips curved into a warm smile as he turns to look at his best friend, his lover of the past three years. "You gave those people enough fodder for the next six months." Jensen quirks a brow at him, lips pursed slightly in confusion and Jared shakes his head. "’We had our own wrap party,’ Jen?"

Jensen’s eyes widen for a moment before his head falls backward to the seat with a sigh. "I’d almost forgotten about that. Thanks. But it’s not like you were much better; lettin’ everyone know I hit the snooze button and made us  _ both _ late."

Jared chuckles and seeks Jensen’s hand with his own under the blanket shared between them. The first-class cabin is dimly lit, most of the passengers around them already asleep. "It’s alright," he says quietly, knowing the stress of the last few days is most likely putting Jensen in one of his overly sensitive and insecure moods. He squeezes the warm hand before tangling his fingers with Jensen’s and risks a quick kiss to his temple when Jensen lays his head on his shoulder. "We got one more season, Jen. Just one more year…"

Jensen hums in agreement even though Jared knows how torn he feels, knows how increasingly frustrating it is to have to hide the most important thing in their lives from the speculating eyes. The agreement with the CW stipulated that their relationship would not be restricted by their contracts if they remained under the images the network advertised them as; young, vibrant,  _ heterosexual _ men. Three years of it, and Jared knows exactly how Jensen feels, knows the weariness and the downright unfairness of it, but that’s their life, the way it is in Hollywood.

_ Just one more year… _

~*~

_ February 2010 _

"So, how do you wanna do this?" Jared asks as he plops down on Jensen’s sofa with his coffee and donut balanced precariously in his left hand.

Jensen looks up from his script with a scrunched brow which signals in Jensen-speak that he has no idea what Jared is talking about. "Do what?"

Jared smiles through his donut, letting pieces fall to Jensen’s couch because he knows how much it drives him crazy. "The convention. It’s the perfect time, right?" He continues to chew, watching his lover’s eyes as realization dawns bright and a grin grows from the corners of Jensen’s mouth until he looks like he’s hurting his face.

"You’re serious?" Jensen shifts, turns toward Jared and pulls a leg under him as he drapes his arm on the back of the couch, fingers touching lightly on Jared’s neck.

"Dude. What else are we gonna do? Go to  _ People _ ?" he says sarcastically after he sips his lukewarm coffee.

Jensen is quiet for a moment, his face reflective before he shrugs. "We could."

Jared shakes his head as he leans forward to put down his coffee and food. "There’s no way they’d let us get away with that, Jen," he explains, grinning as he sits back and faces Jensen, mirroring his position. "These are  _ our _ fans we’re talking about here. They want to hear it from us, and I think they should, don’t you?"

Jensen’s eyes are wide and bright and Jared thinks his heart is going to hammer out of his chest just thinking about doing this. It’s scary as all hell, but it’s exciting, too. And they’ve done everything together since day one (save for that one time Jensen got his panties in a twist over a  _ really _ innocent prank involving some duct tape and a pair of pliers but that’s another story). So as long as they stick together, it’ll be okay, right?

Jensen is just staring at him and it’s beginning to get a little unnerving, except for the happy part of Jared’s pants that really likes when Jensen stares at him. He swallows and puts his hand on Jensen’s knee. "I already talked to Kripke. The con falls two days after the expiration of our contractual obligations and almost two full months before the season’s over. It’s perfect."

"Holy crap, we’re really gonna do this, aren’t we?" Jensen’s voice is awed and Jared just grins at the shell shocked expression on his face before he tightens his grip, slides it upward as he leans forward.

"You ‘n me, man. All the way. No more hidin’," he whispers, the final words mouthed against Jensen’s lips. Jensen is still grinning, his eyes never closing as Jared kisses him and Jared stares right back.

When Jared pulls away, Jensen lets out a breath and nods. "Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. It’s… yeah."

Jared smiles and leans forward to pick his coffee up off of the table. "Perfect."

~*~

L.A. is  _ way _ too fucking hot for this time of year and it doesn’t matter how many Texas summers he lived through growing up, it doesn’t excuse the fact that no one in the damn building seems to know how to use the down button on the A/C and Jared is fucking smoldering.

"You okay, Jared?" Clif is standing just to the right of them in the elevator as Jared tries to fan himself with his shirt.

"How are you not dying right now?" he asks in utter disbelief as he turns to Clif, not a bead of sweat anywhere on him.

"Dude, chill out or you’re gonna stroke out," Jensen tells him with a smirk and Jared, as much as he loves him, kinda wants to smack it off of him. He’s  _ dying _ here, for God’s sake.

"I’m not nervous," he argues and Jensen just  _ hmms _ at him with that all-knowing smirk. "I’m  _ not _ ."

"Sure, man," Jensen nods as the elevator doors ding open. Jensen turns to Clif and Jared watches as his face transforms, all humor gone and replaced with total sincerity. "You got everyone on board, Clif?"

Their friend/bodyguard nods before giving them both a small smile. "Good luck, boys."

Jared blinks at them for a few moments as he tries not to hyperventilate.

~*~

"We’ve got time for one more question."

The members of the audience are  _ awwing _ and Jared can feel Jensen looking at him from his place beside him.  _ Show time _ , he thinks and it’s funny how he’s nowhere near as nervous as he was, how interacting with their fans and laughing about onset pranks and joking on what a pansy Misha is calmed him down as much as it hyped him up. (Please don’t tell Misha about the pansy thing, ‘cause he will  _ totally _ show up at their house again with god knows  _ what _ kinda fart spray and it was totally not cool the  _ first _ time he did it, okay? Poor Sadie was sneezing for like three days and Harley couldn’t keep his nose outta his ass. Horrible.)

He looks over and finds Jensen looking at him expectantly. They’d talked about this, how to start, what to say. He doesn’t think any amount of words could ever explain it, though. He loves him so fucking much and they’ve been forced to hide it for so fucking long…

Jared reaches over and puts his hand on Jensen’s arm, fingers curling protectively and squeezing. "Okay, so, I know you guys wanted to ask one more question, but since this is probably the last convention we’ll have while the show’s airing, we…" Jared sees the nervousness on Jensen’s face and he shrugs, smiles at him before turning back to the crowd. "We kinda wanted to tell you something that we didn’t want you to hear from anyone else." He feels as Jensen’s hand moves, turns over and he slides his down until they’re meeting palm to palm. "Some of ya’ll have been speculating on this for a while, with the fan fiction and all that, but we just wanted to let you know that we…" He turns and stares at Jensen, sees the warmth in his eyes as their fingers lock and the silence of the room is startling.

"We’re together, ya’ll," Jensen finishes, voice soft even over the PA system. "We’ve been together for a while, and your support means a lot to us, and… we just wanted to let you know. Figured you should hear it from us."

Jared jumps at the first squeal, eyes torn away from Jensen as they lock on a woman jumping up and down in the second row and he feels Jensen’s fingers tighten on his hand. They’d been prepared for an intense reaction but Jared is a little surprised by the mixed emotions he sees in the crowd. Of course, there are the girls going batshit crazy, texting and holding their cameras with shaking hands as they try to catch every second on video, but there are also those with a look of disappointment, even some with a resigned kind of you-have-got-to-be _ -kidding _ -me look on their faces. Obviously, there are those that don’t believe it, but Jared doesn’t care. They did it. It’s done. It’s over.

He startles a little when he hears Jensen’s voice over the PA, barely surfacing over the ruckus. "Thanks for comin’ out guys, but that’s our time. Thank you so much for everything, all these years. It means so much."

And with those parting words, Jared feels himself being practically pulled off of the stage, Clif falling in behind them as they step down the stairs. His eyes are fixed on Jensen, the tight set of his shoulders, the firm grasp of his hand, still not letting go of Jared, unable to let go of the support.

When they reach the elevator, Jared lets his head hit the back wall as he closes his eyes with a sigh. "I don’t know how I expected that to go, but I think it went okay…" He opens his eyes and sees Jensen focusing on a spot on the shiny door, unmoving. He rubs his thumb over the back of his hand until Jensen looks at him, eyes dazed. "Don’t you?"

Jensen swallows before sniffling and nods, looking at a spot over Jared’s shoulder. "Yeah… Yeah, it went okay."

Jared pushes from the wall and hits the Emergency button on the elevator before planting himself in from of Jensen, free hand rising to make Jensen look him in the eye. "Are  _ you _ okay?" he asks as he searches those green eyes.

Jensen lets loose a small smile, the one reserved only for Jared in moments previous where no one could possibly see and distinguish, and he nods slightly. "I’m okay, Jared. Just… Too much excitement for one day, ya know?"

Jared just smiles back and closes the distance between them, lips soft and gentle and supportive, letting Jensen know that no matter what happens, they still have this, each other, and it doesn’t matter  _ who _ knows as long as  _ they _ know.

When he pulls away, Jensen’s smile is wider, just as intimate and the gloss over his eyes is gone to reveal clarity and warmth. "Thanks."

Jared chuckles as he pulls away and pushes the emergency button back into place, starting the elevator back on its rise. "Anytime, man." He can’t help the feeling of elation in his chest when he feels Jensen squeeze his hand, having never once let go since they joined in the conference room and when the doors open to reveal their security escort, Jensen steps from the elevator first, shoulders broad but not tense, stance confident but not defensive and Jared thinks  _ finally _ .

~*~

The calls for interviews seem endless and it seems that no matter where they go, camera bulbs are flashing and people are shouting at them to turn and "kiss for the camera." It’s draining but the two of them just smile for the camera like they always have. Even if those smiles get tighter and tighter as the days wear on.

The next two episodes of  _ Supernatural _ are the highest rated in the history of the show and Eric calls them while they’re eating at a restaurant in L.A. with some friends, trying to escape the surrealism that is their life.

"Guys, this thing is getting out of control," Eric says once Jensen and Jared have stepped out into the quiet night behind the building, making sure no one has followed, that they’re safe.

"What’s that?" Jensen asks, pulling out a pack of cigarettes and lighting up with an exaggerated sigh.

"The forums… The fans… They’ve shut down the servers at CW three times in the last week,  _ TV Guide _ has called us screaming at the top of their lungs because  _ their _ servers have crashed… It’s like our fanbase just got split in two and they’re having an epic battle to the death!" Jared smiles at Eric’s excitement and clears his throat.

"What are they sayin’?" he asks, eyes flickering to Jensen to see him staring out into the darkness of the alley they’re in.

"That it was a stunt to boost ratings, that you, the network, we’ve been lying to them all this time. That I should burn in hell for letting two gay guys that are fuckin’ play brothers on national television…" Eric sighs and Jared can feel his exhaustion from his place hundreds of miles away.

"What can we do?" Jared looks at Jensen when he speaks, flicking the cigarette into the alley, half spent and still flaring.

"I think you’ll have to do a formal announcement. Clear the air, answer all these questions."

They nod in unison and Jared’s fingers twitch over the sides of his PDA. "BuddyTV?" he suggests, seeing as how they’re familiar with the girls from there and they’ve always been supportive. Jensen nods again.

"I think that’ll be best," Jen says and they can practically hear Eric’s relief over the phone.

"I’ll call Michelle," he simply says before, "You guys be careful… I know things have been getting out of hand lately, but… there are still some crazies out there."

Jensen rolls his eyes and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Ain’t gotta tell us, man. We’re good."

"See ya, Eric."

"I’ll call you two tomorrow with the interview details," their former boss says. "Take care."

Jared puts his PDA back into its case before looking at Jensen. "Why do I have the feeling that this thing is far from over?"

Jensen laughs but it sounds hollow, tired, but his hand is warm where it lands on Jared’s shoulder, squeezing lightly. "Cause it ain’t. But we’ll be okay. Right?"

Jared pats Jensen’s hand and turns to him before they step towards the entrance to the restaurant. "Absolutely," he says, and he knows his voice is strong, but the feeling in his gut that is steadily growing just may be stronger.

~*~

They’ve met Patty twice before, during seasons four and five of  _ Supernatural _ , and she’s still just as pleasant as ever before with her long red hair and bright, pink lips. The silver stud in her lip is new and Jared insists on calling her Marilyn for the duration of the interview, making her blush and giggle like a school girl.

BuddyTV has always used the chemistry between them as a stance in their articles and announcements, and Patty has made it abundantly clear that she supports  _ anything _ and everything they have in common. Knowing that she’s the first to post an official anything since their coming out is "the best thing that ever happened to me," she insists.

Jensen is in a light-hearted mood when they meet her in Vancouver, four days after Eric’s call. Jared is relieved, knowing that Jensen sometimes broods and over-thinks when something is important to him, but after their talk (and not-talking) last night, Jensen seems to be in a good place.

Jared, on the other hand, is feeling a bit reclusive, wishing that he could’ve just kept Jensen at home under lock and key for the day and avoided this mess for at least twenty-four hours. The arrival back in Vancouver had been anything but uneventful, paparazzi and fans lined up at the gates to the point where security had to sneak them across the tarmac to get them to their rental.

"I just wanna ask one thing before we get started," Jensen starts as they sit down in the small production room the network (i.e. Eric) has arranged, and Patty’s brow quirks in question. "Are you a member of the boards? Like, the Live Journal thing and all that?" He’s asking and he’s completely serious and Jared wonders where this is going as he settles back in his chair.

Patty chuckles a bit nervously, hands twisting around each other and there’s a faint blush on her cheeks. "Yeah," she confesses, eyes averting theirs, something that Jared finds amusing since she’s a reporter and never seemed shy before.

"What do you think they wanna hear?" Jensen asks, and he sits up, elbows on knees, leaning toward her and Jared is instantly reminded of Sam, his questioning stance, the one that says ‘It’s okay, you can talk to me.’ He bites the inside of his cheek to stifle the sudden urge to laugh. "What’s the biggest debate out there, I mean. That we can put to rest?"

Jared’s not really surprised by Jensen’s line of questioning though, because Jensen is an introspective motherfucker. He thinks shit to death, gets into other people’s heads and it’s one of the main reasons the guy’s so shy. He spends so much time analyzing other people that he  _ knows _ exactly how fucked up they can be.

"I…" Patty glances up quickly and then glances back down at her hands. "I think the biggest thing, at least for  _ your _ fans, is the girlfriend thing."

"You mean, did we actually  _ have _ girlfriends or were they just covering for  _ us _ ?" Jensen’s voice is calm, even, eyes open wide and staring at Patty like she’s the only thing in the room and Jared itches to touch him.

Patty nods, finally looking up and meeting Jensen’s eyes. "Yeah, like… Was Danneel really your girlfriend, and what was the deal with Sandy… All that." Her cheeks flush again before she seems to catch herself, straightening in her chair. Jensen mimics the action, rising from his slouch and Jared watches as Patty retrieves her remote for the camera set up over her shoulder.

"We can do that," Jensen says with a smile, back in charming mode and he looks over, catches Jared’s eye. "Right, Jay?"

Jared lets his grin finally break free and nods, biting his lip. "Sure can. Go ahead, Marilyn."

The camera starts and Patty begins her questions, starting with, "So, when did the two of you begin seeing each other romantically?"

**_JA_ ** _ : _ Just after the start of season two… Around episode four or five, I think?

**_JP_ ** _ : _ Yeah, we’d just got done filming  _ Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things _ .

**_JA_** _:_ ** _[nodding]_** I got really caught up in a scene and Jared came after me and we just… We kinda realized some things after that shoot, some important things.

**_BuddyTV_ ** _ : And you’ve been involved ever since? _

**_JP_ ** _ : _ Obviously, it was difficult. I mean, two  _ male _ leads on a show, seeing each other every day… We had our ups and downs in the beginning, but yes, we’ve been together since then.

**_BuddyTV_ ** _ : What about your girlfriends? _

**_JA_ ** _ : _ I must confess that I was never actually romantically involved with Danneel. She, uh… We’d been friends for a really long time, and with the publicity and everything of my show, and hers, being on the same network, and then the movie we were in together… we just kinda fell into this… this arrangement, I guess you could call it.

**_BuddyTV_** _:_ _Why continue the arrangement once you got together with Jared?_

 ** _JA_** _:_ **_[laughs nervously]_** It was comfortable and at the time, we, I mean, Jared and I… we weren’t ready to go public with our relationship. I talked with Danny and she had no qualms about continuing our appearances together.

 ** _BuddyTV_** _:_ _Don’t you think that’s a bit deceptive?_

**_JA_ ** _ : _ Yes, yes, I do. And I apologize to anyone who feels slighted by it. People are faced with choices every day and that was ours.

**_BuddyTV_** _:_ _What about you, Jared?_

**_JP_ ** _ :  _ Well, uh… Sandy and I got together before I started on  _ Supernatural _ and… Well, as anyone who has had one before knows, long-distance relationships are hard and trying and when… When everything happened with Jensen, I told her immediately. I was fortunate enough, and she was a good enough friend, that things worked themselves out.

**_BuddyTV_ ** _ : Why stage the break-up when you did? _

**_JP_ ** _ : _ **_[grinning]_ ** She got herself a new boyfriend.

**_BuddyTV_** _:_ _So, in summary, it really was a charade? All of it?_

**_JA_ ** _ : _ No! No, no. Sandy and Danny… They were and are really big parts of our lives, even now. They’re wonderful people and it just so happens that this is the kinda stuff you have to think about and do when you’re in the profession we are.

**_BuddyTV_** _:_ _Are you concerned that coming out and doing this interview will diminish your names, your careers?_

**_JP_ ** _ : _ That was certainly a concern, but uh… I think I can speak for both of us when I say that we’re tired of hiding. This is who we are, who we’ve been and we feel it’s time to lay those cards on the table and let life takes us where it may lead, ya know? The show is over, we both have movies lined up for the fall… Our careers, whichever direction they go, they’ll go. Nothing we can really do about that.

**_BuddyTV_ ** _ : So, you aren’t concerned about backlash? _

**_JA_ ** _ : _ Of course. That’s a given. But, as Jared said, we’re tired of hiding this big part of our lives, and with our fans,  _ especially _ our fans from the show… The truth seemed like the better option at this point.

**_BuddyTV_** _:_ _You know, you’ve made a lot of people happy with this announcement._

_ [Both laugh] _

**_JP_ ** _ : _ Yeah, well, I’m glad. It’s been wonderful to know that there are so many people supporting us, even when it wasn’t something we were public about. Means a lot.

**_JA_ ** _ : _ Tin hats.

**_BuddyTV_** _:_ _So you_ do _read the message boards!_

 ** _JP_** _:_ **_[laughing]_** Jensen’s a nerd. Of course he does.

**_JA_ ** _ :  _ **_[grinning]_ ** Hey, stuff it, Gigantor.

**_JP_ ** _ :  _ We actually have Kim to thank for that. He was the first one to show us the forums, the wincest, the  _ fandom _ . Hell, I think Kripke actually proposed to hire some of those writers for the show at one point. We have the most amazing fans.

**_JA_ ** _ : _ If not  _ way _ too insightful for our own good.

**_JP_ ** _ :  _ **_[chuckles]_ ** Yeah, that too.

When the interview goes live two days later, Jensen gets an email from his dad saying how proud he is and how the family supports them and is always there for them. Jensen gets a wistful look on his face that stays in place until he falls asleep that night and Jared thinks maybe, just maybe, this thing’s gonna be okay.

~*~

The call from Meredith comes about a week later and when Jared hangs up, he’s in so much shock that he can’t answer Jensen when he asks what’s wrong.

It takes a few minutes to recover from the surprise and sudden anger and when he finally moves his eyes from the floor to Jensen, his voice doesn’t sound like his own when he speaks, "They pulled me from the movie. Gave it…" He swallows thickly to wet his dry throat, tries not to let the anger seep through because the last person who deserves it is the man beside him. "Gave it to some unknown guy with no  _ reputation _ ."

"Oh, fuck, Jared. I’m so sorry," Jensen says, and the concern and disappointment written on his face is bad enough; but when he reaches out to touch Jared, it’s too much and he pulls away.

"I’m goin’ for a walk," he announces to the wall in front of him before turning completely and storming out of the house. He doesn’t want Jensen in the way of this, his hatred of the world and their professions. Why can’t they just be honest and free and not  _ do _ this shit?

He runs until his lungs burn, legs aching with the strain and when he slows in the park by their home, he stops to rest on a dirty hill, staring up at the darkened starless sky.

It’s the unfairness of it all that gets him. The fact that they were successful when they were deceitful, but now that they are honest, they have to suffer. It makes him livid, how hypocritical their world is, how there can be so much love between them and so much animosity towards them, how they have to  _ explain _ themselves. It’s all so fucking unfair and the last month of keeping his anger in check is finally paying its price.

"I hate this," he mumbles as he wraps his arms around his legs, burying his face in his knees to hide the onslaught of frustrated tears refusing to stop. He prays. Mumbles words that make no sense as he hopes that this, too, shall pass, and they can have the happiness and freedom they dreamed of while on set, hidden together in their trailers, the safety of their bed.

It’s not fucking fair.

When he finally drags himself home, Jensen is passed out on the couch, cell phone in the hand resting on his chest, Harley and Sadie sound asleep on the floor next to him. The guilt of running out like he did pulls him to the couch and he crouches down, shushing the dogs as they rise and sniff at him.

His fingers run softly down the jut of Jensen’s cheekbone and he sighs, knowing that all of this is taking just as much of a toll on his best friend as it is him, probably more so since Jensen always takes things so personally. He lets the pad of his thumb trace along the patterns of freckles on his nose before leaning forward and pressing his face into the junction of Jensen’s neck and shoulder.

He feels the change in Jensen’s breathing when he wakes, nuzzles against his jaw when he feels Jensen’s hand rest on his shoulder and he closes his eyes tight as he whispers, "I’m sorry."

Jensen huffs but says nothing, just runs his palm in soothing circles on his shoulder blade, the touch comforting, loving.

"I love you so much, Jen. I just… It’s not fair to us, ya know?" he mumbles against his skin, arm reaching around to wrap around Jensen’s chest, hand tucking into the couch behind him. "I hate that this is happening, just because we’re together. I hate it."

"I know," Jensen whispers, face turning toward him to kiss the side of his face. "I’m sorry I made you do this."

"What?" Jared pulls up and Jensen’s hand falls away. Jared stares wide-eyed at the look of guilt written on Jensen’s features and he shakes his head. "Jensen, you didn’t  _ make _ me do  _ anything _ . I wanted this, too, remember?" Jensen doesn’t say anything, just lowers his gaze away and shifts on the couch to pull his arms across his chest. "Jen, I’m serious."

Jared rises to his knees and leans over his best friend, planting his hands on either side of his head. "Look at me," he demands and Jensen obeys, lips pulled together in a self-loathing scowl that Jared despises even worse than the outside world at the moment. "I am  _ not _ sorry we did this. I’m sorry that there are so many assholes in the world. But that does not mean, in any way, that I am sorry for telling every fucking person on this Earth how much I love you. Because I do… Jesus, don’t think I blame you for  _ anything _ , Jen, because I  _ don’t _ ."

Jensen’s lips part in surprise at his tone, eyes staring up at him in awe and resignation and fault all at once and Jared can’t take it, can’t see it, so he falls to Jensen, lips seeking out the only thing that still feels right in their upturned world and Jensen moans into the kiss as he returns it, hands reaching up to cup Jared’s face, hold him in place.

"I love you so much," Jared says pleadingly. "Please, please, you can’t ever doubt that. You ‘n me, remember?" He rests his forehead against Jensen’s, takes in the feeling of Jensen’s breath against his cheek, prays for forgiveness for making Jensen feel he was at fault for  _ any _ of this mess.

"I remember," Jensen finally whispers, arms reaching around Jared to pull him onto the couch and Jared follows, seeking the warmth and security of his lover’s body wrapped around him and he revels in how well they fit, how perfect they are together, even if the world doesn’t want them to.

~*~

__

After weeks of dealing with the fall-out, Jared decides to plan a vacation for their families. He arranges everything and has the tickets booked before he even tells Jensen, but by the look of relief on his face, he knows his plan worked. It’s perfect. A week of fun in the sun with both their families, no press, no interviewers. Just them, the people who love them and Hawaii. What could be better than that?

Jensen’s shoulders are red, his mother saturating them with sunscreen and Jared’s got Logan hoisted on his shoulders in the resort pool when Mac sees the man with a camera sitting just beyond the fenced tree-line.

"Son of a bitch," Jensen murmurs and Jared gives Logan to Donna before taking off after him into the lobby.

"Jen. Jen!" he calls to Jensen’s retreating back and when Jensen stops and turns, his face is hard, cheeks flushed with anger and Jared’s heart falls because he knows that look.

"What?" Jensen spits and his hands ball into fists at his side.

"Jensen…"

"Jared,  _ don’t _ . Go back outside. I need to… Just  _ go _ ." The words are grit out between clenched teeth and Jared doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to  _ do _ to make this better.

Silence echoes around them in the abandoned lobby for several long minutes before Jared’s shoulders drop and he nods, resigned. He doesn’t say anything as Jensen turns and heads towards their room, just watches and wonders if they’ll ever be able to get away from all of this.

~*~

When August rolls around and Jensen asks Jared to come with him to Arizona for his movie shoot, Jared wants to say yes. Instead, he asks, "Don’t you think we should maybe take a break? Let all this die down?" and he immediately hates himself.

The look of rejection on Jensen’s face is quickly shut down by the walls his lover is famous for, a shield against everyone and everything that he’s built over the last 32 years and his eyes look almost dead as he heads into the bedroom to start packing.

"Jen, I didn’t mean  _ us _ ," Jared tries to explain as he follows, sees Jensen grab his suitcase from the closet as he steps into their bedroom.

"Nah, Jared, it’s cool, I get it." It’s Jensen’s voice, but it’s not.  _ Too much like Dean _ , Jared thinks then shoves the thought away.

"I don’t think you  _ do _ if you’re getting this upset!" Jared steps further into the room, stares at his lover on the other side of their bed.

Jensen makes a sound closely resembling a grunt and turns toward the closet. His demeanor is passive but he pulls the clothes from the hangers with a violence so tangible Jared can almost feel it.

"Jen! Dammit!" Jared goes to step around to him but Jensen pins him to the spot when he looks up from shoving his clothes into the case.

"I. Get. It." Jensen seethes, eyes almost glowing with anger and Jared’s gut clenches with worry and fear and he’s nauseous over where this is going. Jensen turns around again, this time going to the dresser and pulling out random items before shoving them in his suitcase without meeting Jared’s eyes. "I’m gonna go stay at the Freemont ‘til my flight," he says coolly, and if Jared didn’t know him he’d think this was a regular conversation.

"No, Jen…" Jared tries to step forward again but Jensen silences him with the zip of his case, eyes flashing up to catch his, cold and hurt and done.

"I’ll be back in October," is all he says before he hefts the large case effortlessly from the bed and strides past Jared, leaving no room for argument.

Jared’s eyes shut and he flinches when he hears the front door close. Not slam, because Jensen is too in control for that. When he collapses on his bed, hands holding his face, he has no idea how much time has passed since Jensen left, just that… Jensen  _ left _ .

~*~

Jared flies to L.A. three days later, a single canvas bag in his possession and he doesn’t even remember boarding the plane. He’s been in a daze since Jensen left, his heart and head so confused and tired, and all he wants is to have Jensen tell him it’s going to be okay.

"You ‘n me," he mumbles to himself, twirling the mate of the watch he bought Jensen so many years ago. The plane descends and Jared can almost feel the heat slam against the metal outsides of the aircraft. Home, sweet home.

He goes out with a couple of friends the second night and gets entirely too drunk. He calls Jensen’s cell for the hundredth time around two A.M. and pleads for him to call him back, explains he didn’t mean what Jensen thinks he meant.

"I just thought if people saw you on your own, if I wasn’t around, it’d be easier… Jensen… Please. I’m sorry."

He hears the chirp of his phone the next afternoon from his spot in the bathroom, trying to catch his breath from his recent bout of retching. An hour later, when he pulls himself together and finally makes it to his hotel bed, there’s a message from Jensen.

"I’m sorry, too."

He doesn’t know what it means, whether Jensen is sorry for leaving, or sorry because this is the end and Jensen is always so goddamn cryptic when he’s upset and Jared barely makes it to the bathroom before his stomach seizes on him again.

He books a flight to Chandler, AZ and doesn’t bother to tell Jensen he’s coming. He knows what he needs to do right now, and that’s convince Jensen. He’s not exactly sure what he’s supposed to convince him of because he  _ knows _ that Jensen knows he loves him, that he’d do anything for him, but he  _ also _ knows he needs to be in Arizona, right the fuck now.

He makes a couple of calls and manages a ride to the set without much incident. Jensen is on location doing a scene so he gets a P.A. to let him into Jensen’s trailer to wait and the stress of the last week catches up to him when he closes his eyes, resting on Jensen’s pull-out couch.

He wakes slowly to the feeling of something moving along his skin, warmth and wetness moving over his face, his eyes, his chin and when he opens his eyes, his heart almost breaks in two with how much he missed his best friend.

"Jensen," he whispers and Jensen shushes him as he curls up next to him on the couch, knees tucking around and in between his, trying to make enough space for the both of them.

"I didn’t think you’d come," Jensen confesses and Jared scoffs, shakes his head as Jensen rests with his nose against his.

"I… I don’t know what I thought Jen, but it never involved us splitting up, or being angry, or any of that," he babbles, because he thought of nothing but what to say on the flight here and he just  _ has _ to get it out. "I thought… I thought that if I wasn’t around, it’d be easier on you. Maybe the press would leave you alone for a while, that… But I didn’t want  _ this _ , didn’t want you to get hurt."

Jensen just closes his eyes and nods slightly, a soft sigh escaping his parted lips. "I’m scared shitless, man. I just keep feeling like all of this, the strain of it all… That it’s not gonna be worth it to you, and that… scares me more than anythin’."

Jared pulls Jensen closer and buries his face in Jensen’s neck, inhales the scent he’s missed so much over just a week and kisses the spot beneath his ear. "You ‘n me, man. That’s not gonna change no matter how many movies I get pulled from, how many articles get written… I don’t give a damn about any of that shit as long as it’s you ‘n me."

Jensen is quiet for a long time, breath an even pace of in and out against Jared’s shirt. "Yeah… Yeah, okay."

~*~

They hadn’t expected another  _ Supernatural _ convention so soon after the show’s finale, had thought at least a couple of years would go by before people were calling for them to appear, but when Eric calls and tells them that they’re arranging for Jeffrey Dean to be there, along with Jim and Samantha, Jared actually finds himself excited about an appearance for the first time in a long time.

Jensen seems to feel the same, telling Eric "Fuck, yeah," and doing a little jig when they find out the convention is going to be in Dallas again and it feels almost like the weight of an entire year has been lifted from their shoulders.

They make arrangements to stay in Richardson after the convention for a few weeks and Donna squeals when Jensen calls to tell her the good news. Jared can’t help but grin like a maniac when he sees Jensen’s eyes light up like a kid in a candy store when she tells him that Mac has some  _ news _ for them, but they have to hear it from her.

They make it to the convention without incident, not really even running into many fans or paparazzi as they depart from their red-eye flight and when they check into their hotel, Jared sits on the edge of the bed and pulls Jensen between his spread legs.

"It’s been a while since we consummated our relationship on Dallas sheets," Jared says lowly, hands running up and down the thickness of Jensen’s thighs and Jensen laughs, free and happy as he pushes Jared down to follow after him.

"If you wanted in my pants, cowboy, all you had to do was ask," he says coyly, thigh pressing up to rub against Jared in a way that sends every working brain cell to hell and back.

Jared’s eyes fall closed as Jensen mouths at his neck, wet lips trailing hotly down and across. "Pretty please," he whispers and Jensen chuckles darkly as he begins working on the buttons to Jared’s shirt.

Jared’s never been with a lover like Jensen, someone who insists on savoring every aspect of love-making as if he’s committing it all to memory, enjoying each touch until it’s all too much for either of them to take for a second longer.

Jensen’s fingers trail lightly over the now exposed skin of Jared’s chest, mapping the contours as his lips begin to follow in their wake, soft presses of flesh against flesh that heighten Jared’s awareness to everything  _ Jensen _ .

His hands fall to Jared’s belt and make quick work of his jeans, opening and exposing him to the air before running those sinuous lips down his shaft, simply worshiping him with touch and taste and Jared brings a hand up to run through Jensen’s hair, longer now, soft to the touch and so addicting.

"Jen…" he whispers, afraid to break the spell Jensen has cast for them in the quiet room and his hand falls to Jensen’s face, caressing his cheekbone as Jensen’s lips part and he takes him in so achingly slow. Jared hums, shifts his hips to let Jensen get comfortable, his fingers still working mindlessly through Jensen’s hair and it’s euphoric, the feeling of Jensen’s mouth around him, lapping at him like he can never get enough, like Jared is a prize worthy to be won.

"You n’ me, man," Jensen whispers a long moment later when he pulls away, lips pressed against the skin of Jared’s inner thigh, and Jared shivers at the low grit of honesty and want in Jensen’s voice, the intensity with which he looks up at him from his place between his legs.

"Come ‘ere," Jared says, hand guiding Jensen up, lips finding each other as Jared finds the edge of Jensen’s shirt and tugs. They part only long enough to rid him of the offending material and Jared sits up, shrugs out of his own before wrapping an arm around Jensen’s back, palm splayed protectively and possessively across the span of muscles there.

Jensen’s mouth is intoxicating; the way he moans and lets the sound echo and be swallowed down, the way his lips seem to spell out his need and love with a simple push-pull-taste and Jared pulls him closer, the feel of Jensen’s warm skin against his sparking pleasure to every part of his body.

They tell of their thoughts, their feelings through their wordless caresses, the air around them thick with desire and their pure, unexplainable need for each other. Jared lets it take him in as they shed themselves of the remainder of their clothes, idly making their way to the head of the bed.

Jensen bites down on his lip and buries his face in Jared’s hair as he preps him, knees shaking as they hold him up and over Jared’s lap and Jared presses his hand to the pulse of Jensen’s heart, mumbles incoherent words of adoration against his skin as Jensen gasps and trembles with each additional digit until he’s almost sobbing into Jared’s shoulder.

Jared pulls away and rests his shoulders on the headboard to watch as Jensen readies himself, eyes locked on his as his hands work to line them up and Jared’s chest feels too full as he feels Jensen’s warmth sink down around him, Jensen’s eyes telling him everything he needs to know about anything past, present or future.

"I love you," he chokes out, voice tight with awe and how much the sentiment is true; and with everything they’ve been through over the last year, he can’t believe he still has this, that he  _ can _ have this, that it’s theirs.

Jensen lets his eyes fall closed as he smiles, face relaxed and open and Jared feels as he twines their fingers together, pressing them to his heart. He stares, rapt, at their joined hands as Jensen moves, slow, so slowly and when Jensen opens his eyes, they’re so full of that something they’ve always had, Jared feels his breath catch on the sob that wants to escape.

Jensen brings their hands from his chest upward, to his mouth, presses kisses along each knuckle, his and Jared’s as he slides forward, back, up, down and the heat coiling in Jared’s gut is beginning to spread, work its way throughout his body, undeniable, just like Jensen.

Jared moves their hands and arches up, forward, taking Jensen’s mouth with his as he wraps his free arm around him, joining them as much as heavenly possible and they move together, an endless rhythm that neither of them can stop.

"Touch me," Jensen breathes against Jared’s mouth and Jared doesn’t have it in him to deny, lets his hand pull their fists around Jensen’s cock, rocking with their hips until Jensen’s panting against him, soft grunts of pleasure spilling from his open mouth into Jared’s.

"I love you," he says again and Jensen’s eyes squeeze shut as his climax hits, warmth spilling from the center of their joined hands onto their stomachs and Jared forces himself to watch every second as his own orgasm comes, ripping from him with every clench of Jensen’s body around him.

They’re both panting, sweaty and flushed, noses pressed uncomfortably together in the middle of their hotel bed and Jensen smiles, eyes open and opaque with a glint of gold. "I love you, too."

~*~

Jeffery Dean looks almost exactly the same as the day they met him, if not a little bit beefier. His handshake and hug and bright smile make Jared want to run in circles with how familiar and okay it all feels, as if they haven’t been at the butt of warring fans and insulting articles and insipid comments for the last year.

Jim is just as cranky and hilarious as ever and Samantha’s country-grit voice has them blushing in no time at all.

It feels  _ okay _ .

Until they step up on stage and Jared feels his heart catch in his chest at all of the cameras, all of the expectant faces.

They smile as they begin their breakfast panel and it seems all is going well until a young woman in the front makes a comment that Jared doesn’t catch, but he sees Jensen blanch, face rigid in response.

"Can I say somethin’, just real quick?" Jared says into the mic, serious now and he ignores Jensen’s questioning glance as he hears the mumbles of approval throughout the audience. "I just want to say… Thank you. To those of you who have supported us, and even those of you who haven’t… Jensen and I, we come from a background of strong beliefs and one of those beliefs is to be true and honest and loyal to those you care about, and during this past year, we’ve had… We’ve had some trials. But all they’ve done is better instill those values in us… make us stronger. So, thank you. You may not think who we are or what we’ve done is right, but we’ve done what is right for  _ us _ . And we appreciate your support with that and your respect."

When he finishes, he looks over to Jensen’s surprised face and gives a shrug and a smile and when he turns back to the crowd, he sees the same expression on many of the attendees in the crowd, their hands and mouths still as they absorb his words.

His heart is racing and he thinks maybe he just alienated their entire fanbase when he hears Jensen’s voice spark over the PA.

"Tried to tell ya’ll he was the girl," he quips and the audience breaks into fits of laughter, the silence and awkwardness utterly shattered by the ever-present Ackles wit.

Jared shakes his head and gives Jensen a pointed look but he catches the relief shining in his lover’s eyes even as the catcalls start. "We’re  _ really _ not gettin’ into that debate today," he cracks back and Jensen laughs, full and bright and perfect.

"Maybe later," he chuckles and the audience just laughs right along with them.

When Jared’s solo Q & A starts, someone asks him what made him fall in love with Jensen and he smiles, tilts his head to the side and considers before answering.

"Well, to be honest… I don’t think I can answer that, cause it was never just one thing… It was just  _ Jensen _ , ya know? From day one. Him n’ me and everythin’ in between."

When the woman smiles warmly at him, he sees acceptance in her eyes and smiles back when she thanks him. He lets his gaze fall towards the back of the room and he sees Jensen standing in front of Clif, smile on his lips as he forms the words… _ You n’ me. _


End file.
